Fun on the 1
I take the 1 train to and from work. On occasion, the trains have to be put on hold for a period of time. During this time it's a mystery what happens. No one knows. Maybe Hillary does? I'm not sure... maybe they check the specs and ops and grind the gears a bit. Perhaps they mop that one car with the ice cream goo on the floor. In any case, a holding situation is always uncertain, and while it could only last 30 extra seconds, it could also be 10 or more minutes.
Today on my train ride home, upon reaching 96th St. (one stop before mine at 103rd) a hold ensued. When this happens, I'm faced with exactly two dilemmas.
The first dilemma - wait out the hold, or walk the extra seven blocks home. Typically, I wait it out. I have faith that whoever is mopping the floor or arresting the bad guys or shining the rims will finish promptly so we can continue on our way. Even when it takes a few minutes, it's not that awful sitting in an air conditioned train... unless...
Dilemma two - that eager older lady. Eager older lady is waiting at 96th St. on the edge of the tracks, an inch from the subway door as we screech to a halt. She can't wait to get in. No one has ever needed to get into a train as much as eager older lady does right now. Once the train stops and those doors open, get out of this lady's way. All bets are off. She's got some shit to do. Move people!
Now, eager older lady doesn't really get out of the way as people try to exit the train. Instead, she prefers displaying the good old third-base coach motion. The motion a coach gives when signaling for the base-runner to keep running around third base and go home. It never fails. You can almost hear her thinking... "Move your butt little kid, this lady needs to get uptown, now! Fuck you, mom with the stroller! Is my circular pointing motion not clear enough? Need I push your baby for you? Spoiled brat. We walked when we were babies." Eager older lady is now angry older lady.
Angry older lady didn't even know about dilemma one yet, either. Once safely two steps forward onto the train, angry older lady hears the news. This is the worst news she's ever heard, too. Angry older lady has become lady of fury. Lady of fury is now steaming hot. As red as the 1 train logo. She paces back and forth, on and off the train, then back again. "What do I look like? ... Trains are supposed to go... My cats... I've got grandkids.... I'm from Florida... I'm divorced..." lady of fury reasons to herself, victimizing her situation to help elevate her rage to the next level. Now, roughly 34 seconds into the holding pattern, lady of fury picks random train riders to confide in. She picks me. Staring me down, eyes locked with mine. "What is this bullshit?" she asks me. Do I respond, or was that hypothetical? I'm not sure what the bullshit is, really. No one is. I'm just sitting here. I could care less. I'll just look down.
Lady of fury leans out of the train door, now shouting something muffled at whoever is in charge of doing whatever is done on the holds. It sounds vulgar. Lady of fury is a train-hold terrorist, using all tactics to thwart it - oblivious to all around her. Lady of fury turns back into the train, again locking eyes with me. Her rage is absolutely unmatchable. But this time she's quiet. Eerily silent. At one with me. Just staring... fiercely. Lady of fury is trying to mind-ninja her fiery anger into my brain.
I'm walking.
Today on my train ride home, upon reaching 96th St. (one stop before mine at 103rd) a hold ensued. When this happens, I'm faced with exactly two dilemmas.
The first dilemma - wait out the hold, or walk the extra seven blocks home. Typically, I wait it out. I have faith that whoever is mopping the floor or arresting the bad guys or shining the rims will finish promptly so we can continue on our way. Even when it takes a few minutes, it's not that awful sitting in an air conditioned train... unless...
Dilemma two - that eager older lady. Eager older lady is waiting at 96th St. on the edge of the tracks, an inch from the subway door as we screech to a halt. She can't wait to get in. No one has ever needed to get into a train as much as eager older lady does right now. Once the train stops and those doors open, get out of this lady's way. All bets are off. She's got some shit to do. Move people!
Now, eager older lady doesn't really get out of the way as people try to exit the train. Instead, she prefers displaying the good old third-base coach motion. The motion a coach gives when signaling for the base-runner to keep running around third base and go home. It never fails. You can almost hear her thinking... "Move your butt little kid, this lady needs to get uptown, now! Fuck you, mom with the stroller! Is my circular pointing motion not clear enough? Need I push your baby for you? Spoiled brat. We walked when we were babies." Eager older lady is now angry older lady.
Angry older lady didn't even know about dilemma one yet, either. Once safely two steps forward onto the train, angry older lady hears the news. This is the worst news she's ever heard, too. Angry older lady has become lady of fury. Lady of fury is now steaming hot. As red as the 1 train logo. She paces back and forth, on and off the train, then back again. "What do I look like? ... Trains are supposed to go... My cats... I've got grandkids.... I'm from Florida... I'm divorced..." lady of fury reasons to herself, victimizing her situation to help elevate her rage to the next level. Now, roughly 34 seconds into the holding pattern, lady of fury picks random train riders to confide in. She picks me. Staring me down, eyes locked with mine. "What is this bullshit?" she asks me. Do I respond, or was that hypothetical? I'm not sure what the bullshit is, really. No one is. I'm just sitting here. I could care less. I'll just look down.
Lady of fury leans out of the train door, now shouting something muffled at whoever is in charge of doing whatever is done on the holds. It sounds vulgar. Lady of fury is a train-hold terrorist, using all tactics to thwart it - oblivious to all around her. Lady of fury turns back into the train, again locking eyes with me. Her rage is absolutely unmatchable. But this time she's quiet. Eerily silent. At one with me. Just staring... fiercely. Lady of fury is trying to mind-ninja her fiery anger into my brain.
I'm walking.
posted by ky at
5:44 PM
5 Comments
